This Is the Night

Rule of thumb: never remind the audience that they could be watching a much better film. Rocky III may not be the haymaker that the first two films of that franchise (a true one-two knock-out combo) were, but it’s arguably the saga’s last great chapter, and it might as well be Citizen Kane compared to This Is the Night, which appears to have been written and directed by a concussed Rocky Balboa.

Dr. Johnson said that puns are the lowest form of humor, but this movie resorts to an even lower form: retrospective humor. For example, it's 1982 and Anthony Dedea (Lucius Hoyos), the young protagonist, calls Rocky III "The end of the trilogy, the last Rocky movie." HAHAHAHAHAHA! Get it? It's funny because they’re still making Ricky-related films.

Anthony and his two friends (the lead in a teen comedy always has exactly two sidekicks) are bullied for getting into a pool with their shirts on — which I believe is one of the rare occasions in which bullying is actually justified, and perhaps even encouraged. Take your shirt off, or stay out of the pool. It’s not rocket science.

Vincent (Frank Grillo), Anthony's father, is a failed restaurant owner who has to beg for a loan from wannabe mobster Frank Larocca (Bobby Cannavale); Anthony thinks this is "shameful" and that his father is a "coward."

What a hypocrite. When Anthony takes off his shirt at the pool like a normal person, then let him talk about the shame and cowardice of others; meanwhile, as Vincent tells him, “shut up when you speak” (God bless you, Frank Grillo).

Anthony becomes "Public Enemy Number One," and he and his friends outcasts, when he’s falsely accused of questioning Rocky Balboa's manhood. I personally love Rocky, but has the Italian Stallion really sparked such a level of fandom as we see in this film? I mean the kind of obsession usually reserved for Star Wars or Lord of the Rings.

Elsewhere, there is a subplot that sees Marie (Naomi Watts) and Christian (Jonah Hauer-King), Anthony's mother and older brother, establish an emotional bond when she discovers his cross-dressing. The problem with this isn't whether it's queerbaiting or not, but that it unnecessarily prolongs a movie that's already well over 100 minutes.

To think that just 20 years ago Watts starred in Mulholland Drive, and now she's relegated to the parts that should have been cut so the movie wouldn't be too long. All things considered, it might revolve around Rocky III, but This Is the Night doesn't have the Eye of the Tiger (nor, for that matter, the song of the same name).