2007-10-09
N/A
70 min
Splatter Beach is a 2007 low-budget horror comedy film made by the prolific Polonia brothers. It was released on DVD by Camp Motion Pictures.Starring Erin Brown, Erika Smith, Alison Whitney, Brice Kennedy, Ken Van Sant and Dave Fife, Splatter Beach concerns a reporter who hopes to write a story on a series of disappearances that have plagued a local beach, and who finds instead a sea monster in full rubbery attire.
This is supposed to be a comedic tribute to the beach monster movies of the 1960s. It's about the Polonia brothers trying their hardest to rip off “Humanoids from the Deep” and other sea-monster flicks and I also see some parables to Jaws and Psycho. The acting is amateur and the directing is atrocious. The green-screen effects have gotta be the worst in cinematic history.
This movie intended to be a comedy and the film's humor is about homosexuality, sexual acts, farting, lesbianism and Hercules movies. Normally, I totally love that kind of humor, especially when it comes from Troma, but Polonia tends to make it really boring. Should we laugh at this shit? I didn't laugh once. In this edition of Camp Motion Pictures it comes a bonus disc containing the film's soundtrack and I promise I will never ever put it in my CD player. It's very rare (except for radio music) that I hear this kind of bad music. Even the music will be a part of the humor, and I was almost ashamed when I listened to it. Polonia has really stuck in childish and Splatter Beach is like a horror movie in the style of the 90's TV-shows like "Eerie Indiana" and "Goosebumps", but even worse.
I don't recommend this film to anyone. It's an hour of wasted time and you will by all odds not laugh a single time, it's just pathetic, poorly made and really boring.
